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Well, we're almost there. Not long till a major pop culture event years in the making finally arrives. Not long till closely guarded secrets are revealed. Not long till loyal fans can find the answer to the big question...

What is the plot of The Simpsons Movie?

It's too bad that by now, I am not sure I care. (Yes, there will be a spoiler, but it's also long.)

Once upon a time, I didn't care much for The Simpsons. For the first three seasons or so, I wasn't sure what to make of it. The animation was odd, the characters off-putting, the world very strange. Slowly, though, I got the feel of it. So did the writers as Bart and Lisa and Momer slid into their roles, as the show straddled the divide between old-fashioned sitcom and wacky satire, often in the same scenes. The Simpsons became a must-see (though never a show I HAD to be home for, liks Buffy or Supernatural). It was one of the few times I was part of a pop culture phenomemon, as we all spend a summer in the wacky almost-didn't-have-the-Internet-yet days wondering "Who Shot Mister Burns?" (It was the baby.)

For seven seasons, it was among the best sitcoms ever created. Guest voice work was usually in the cause of the story, and usually smart. The Simpsons and their friends were not entirely unbelievable (though you really hoped that you didn't know anyone as reckless as Homer). And there was talk of a movie, much like there was of The X-Files. We wondered whether they could come up with a plot idea that would make it more than just a very long episode. (Purportedly, the Hank Scorpio plot was rejected for a film.) But we figured, they know what they're doing.

And then things changed, for me at least. Most of the original writers left. Phil Hartman's tragic death left an unexpected hole in the cast. And ratings stayed good enough that Fox made sure the show would keep running. The Simpsons hss been on since the end of 1989, an astounding run, but one that makes it hard for anyone to come up with new ideas for how to keep the characters busy. It's even reached the point that Matt Groening has admitted making the characters zanier to keep things from getting too repetitive.

Except...except that the story ideas are repeating themselves anyway. Except that the guest stars, when appearing as themselves, indulge in far too much goofy self-parody (as if saying, "hey look at me, I can take a joke!"). Except that somewhere over the last seven years, I found that the show wasn't funny. And that worse, it was trying to be trendy. The sharp satires of classic films and TV shows were replaced with SNL-quality spoofs of whatever was in. Or whatever they thought was in - there was an Simpsons episode making fun of Jar Jar Binks after Episode II came out! Oh, it was still sometimes funny - an episode focusing on Moe becoming Maggie's father figure had a brilliant spoof of The Godfather and some very sharp dialogue - but you had to be very patient with the show to find the humor.

And the less said about the dysfunctional marriage of Homer and Marge, the better. It's painful to watch now, and you wonder why she doesn't finally throw him out!

When I heard that the movie was finally coming, I tried to turn the clock back. Maybe this time they would forget the wacky adventures. Maybe this time we could go back to telling stories that were about people who happened to be yellow and have four fingers. Maybe we'd lose all the dead weight in the cast of characters (no more Cletus! No more Gil!), and stick with the Simpsons and Burns and Barney and Moe and maybe Sideshow Bob.

Maybe.

But there's been nothing to make me think that things have changed. The decision to keep the plot secret might make good marketing to an audience that will be there no matter what. It didn't really make me feel better, and it implied that it would be something Big. Movie Big. Which makes sense, if you really don't want to do the same thing. The end result, though, is that what was anticipation - "I've been waiting for this for 15 years, of course I will see it in the theater!" - has become only mild interest again.

And now, at long last, I have seen the purported plot.

1. Homer gets a pig. Really. OK, I'm sure that's not the whole plot but it's what Groening talked about on The Daily Show. If this is an example of the humor we can expect, I am already bored. (We can all see where this is going, towards the pigsty and some rather gross humor.)

2. Homer accidentally releases nuclear waste into the river, and everyone has to leave Springfield. Hijinks ensue.

Now, this would explain why he's running for his life. But it's the same old thing. Homer Does Something Stupid. Hell, he already did this! They left Springfield after he turned the town into a garbage dump.

And therein lies the reason I lost all interest in a show that I once loved. What used to be a smart show about stupid people became a dumb show about an extraordinarily dumb man. The The Simpsons became the show it was making fun of. Repetitive, dull, unpleasant to watch. Plot was gone, character development was given up forever. And we were left with D'OH!

And that's where we stand with a week to go before a movie I wanted to embrace. I might yet. Maybe Groening and his staff dug deep and found a nugget of comic gold left from 1993. Maybe having the silver screen and 87 minutes inspired them.

But it seems unlikely.

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Alex W

January 2023

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